My Story
For some reason, I cannot escape faith. Faith keeps showing up, where I am, even when I’ve thought that I had left it behind or explained it so thoroughly that it would surely be embarrassed and fade, irrelevant, into mere memory.
I do not mean to sound sappy or sentimental–or worse, naive–about my religion. Like so many, I am suspicious of religion and faith, cynical about the way in which the church has aligned itself with the Imperialists and Colonialists; I am skeptical about the hundreds and thousands and millions of times that faith provides justification for manipulation, ego-indulgences, oppression, and anything else that is crazy or evil in teh world. Faith has helped us along to becoming racists, misogynists, homophobes, oppressors of the poor, profiteers who raze and rape the natural world, and even genocidal sociopaths. Still, my story is one of faith. I seem to be searching for what John Caputo and Jacques Derrida call a “religion without religion.”
With an extra hour of free time on my hands, I’ll usually sit down to read or study. Better still would be to do so alone in a wild, natural space. I like to observe and think, to figure things out, to understand how they work and what they mean. For me, there always seems to be more pieces to the puzzle, more intellectual connections to be made. What can be most difficult for me is to just relax and engage life, to not become so consumed with observing life that I forget to live life. In terms of personality profiles, I am an INTJ (Myers-Briggs) and a Type 5 Investigator/Observer (Enneagram).
I live in Kodiak, Alaska, a small city on an island a few hundred miles south of mainland Alaska. My fiancée, Tamie, spent her summers commercial fishing on a little island just off the island of Kodiak. This little island is Bear Island, and it was fishing on Bear Island in teh summer of 2010 that eventually led us to live in the city of Kodiak. Bear Island is on the opposite side of the island of Kodiak, opposite from the city of Kodiak. It is remote, wild, and beautiful. The geography of Alaska resonates with me, as does the idea that there is just endless, infinite space with no planes, trains, or automobiles–just endless, untamed land. I am, I admit, a bit of aLuddite, a lover of the wild world. It took me a while to realize this. Most of my life has been lived in northern Indiana, which like so many populated areas of the U.S. emphasizes control of nature. There is something to be said for this, of course, but for me I want to stay connected with something in me that is primitive and primal.
It was in Indi
ana that I had a deeply formative experience. For one year, Tamie and I taught a creative writing class in the Kosciusko County Jail. Until this time, I was under the general conviction that I would go on to get a Ph.D. then teach classes and write books. Something began to change in me, however, as I read the stories of my students in teh jail. I began to feel a sense of calling, a pastoral calling to lead and minister with faith communities among people who are marginalized and ignored by most of society. Despite how wise we are to the failures of religion, perhaps a faith community can still be a place of healing and a platform from which we can advocate and advance social justice and equality.
In college I studied accounting and business administration, and I worked professionally in accounting for about ten years after graduation. I am a critic of the way we practice capitalism here in the U.S. Politically, I am sympathetic to the Green Party, with their emphasis on creating sustainable, local economies, their respect for the dignity of all persons, and their emphasis on environmental responsibility.
I am also deeply concerned with the way our economic structure promotes oppression and violence. War and the weapons of war are the greatest U.S. expense. “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Our prison systems are now a major economic system in our country. Taken together, we have created an economic system that profits from violence, crime, and poverty.
It is difficult for me to just write my story. I keep wanting to define myself and explain myself according to what I believe or what I think or the way in which I view the world. I am writing this story, my story, on paper, in a journal, in a park in Temple Texas; but it’s difficult to stick with my story. I keep finding myself having to edit out several paragraphs where I talk about what I think, not who I am or where my story has taken me. In a very important way, this struggle is my story: to engage the narrative of life and not define myself by what happens in my mind.
We humans are so silly. Why do we struggle with things that are so obvious and so simple?
This blog is my attempt to open up my story, to just write my life, to share the trivial minutia. For me, this will be an ongoing challenge. Waxing eloquent about theology, economics, or philosophy is easy. Telling you that I had a crummy day for no reason that I can figure is not so easy.
My favorite album is A Love Supreme by John Coltrane. I love to listen to Coltrane because his music so often feels both chaotic and harmonious. Each musician is trying to break out of the group and just solo, like a stream-of-consciousness moment; yet at the same time they are all responding to each other, aware of the direction of the music. The music, like life, seems pointless while at the same time that very meaninglessness is the point.
To write this blog, to share my story, is to see what emerges. I’ll try to break out and solo, but I will always be responding to the world. I’ll just have to kind of let go and see where the music takes me. Perhaps this is the act of faith, a faith to respond to the world. Perhaps this is what I mean by the fact that I cannot escape faith: that I cannot escape life, for all of the ways it is mysterious, painful, beautiful, unjust, lovely , true, pure, dark, completely beyond me and yet closer than my heart’s beating. A live a life of faith, a love supreme.
I noticed that you say that you are sympathetic to the green party. I wanted to recommend a book (I know there are a gazillion new books printed everyday). It’s called: Starved for Science: How Biotechnology is Being Kept Out of Africa by Robert Paarlberg. I used to be really into “organic” and green. But this book presents a pretty strong case for biotech (as well as subtly exposes the motivations and hidden agenda behind some “green” proponents.) When I read your bio, you seemed somewhat like-minded to me, so I decided to leave this comment. God bless you and your wife!
I’ll have to check that out. I am open-minded, and I can see the complexities of the various arguments, as well as the politics and manipulation, on both sides. Thank you for the recommendation.
If you have a minute, I’d love to hear you expound a bit on the substance of Paarlberg’s argument. Also, I just read and reviewed Deep Economy by Bill McKibben. I’d love to hear your thoughts:
http://theosproject.blogspot.com/2011/06/deep-economy-by-bill-mckibben.html
Also, I see you’ve blogged a bit on the subject. I’ll check that out.
Thanks for the comment.
Jon
John, if you knew what the bible taught about punishing criminals then you’d know that nowhere does God ever say that prison is a just punishment for any crime. He only gives restitution, corporal punishment and capital punishment as just responses to crimes. Just those three. If prison were a just punishment for a crime God would have said something about it when He gave the criminal code to Moses.
God knew that prisons existed. Prison is mentioned as far back as Genesis 39 which was quite a while before God gave the law to Moses. So, God knew prisons existed. He also knew that imprisonment is not a just punishment for any crime. [the Catholic Church insults its followers by claiming in its catechism that God commanded execution for capital crimes because prisons just weren't an "option" for Israel - as if God thought "we can't build a prison to keep them in, so we better just kill em" - how laughable is that!]
All you need to get a good “faith community” for the good of prisoners formed is to stand on 3 facts about prison and its abolition:
1) Prison is an unjust punishment – God never gave imprisonment as a just punishment for any crime.
2) Prisons don’t work – the ricidivism rate for those who have served time in prison is very high (67% are arrested again).
3) Prisons punish the family members of those put in prison – wives, children, etc. are harmed by their husband or dad being sentenced to spend years in prison since they are unable to work and make the money needed to help support their family.
Also, the stigma of having served time in prison makes it very hard for someone to get a job and live a decent life ever again.
Getting rid of prisons as a form of punishment would be REAL social justice. Think about how big a difference it would make if a guy convicted of stealing was simply flogged and made to make restitution over a short period of time. He gets flogged and then he can go back to work and continue supporting his family instead of being locked up and the family losing their breadwinner. That would be a humongous difference. They’d still be able to afford the rent/mortgage and the child(ren) would still have their dad around to care for them.
So there you have it. A “community of faith” that you can be part of and promote AMONG ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN CHURCHES which have lots of people and money in them who will support your efforts. And they’ll support the effort because they take the criminal justice system that God gave in the bible seriously….along with the other main reasons.
****NOTE****
Nutty leftist groups probably won’t be as supportive. The main reason being that they don’t have a good grasp of what is “just” or even what is “fair”. The most obvious evidence of this lately is those on the left screaming that someone who makes $1 million a year paying @ 40% in taxes and someone making $33,000 a year paying 15% in taxes is what they call “fair”. Not what the dictionary definition of the word fair is which would mean they both pay 15% or they both pay 40%.
So, while those on the left love the idea of seeing people who try to blow up buildings and conspire to murder cops and other people being set free (like Obama’s close buddy Bill Ayres) they probably won’t be much help since they live in a drug-induced alternate universe where simple concepts such as “fairness” and “justice” are extremely skewed.
Quinn,
Certainly we can both agree that prisons are bad ideas. I am right with you on that. Where I disagree with you is that I interpret the Law of Moses as providing the structure for a society that takes responsibility for one’s self but also for one’s neighbor, the “love thy neighbor as thyself” serving as one of the primary axioms of faith. In America, we have little or no sense of what it means for us to take responsibility for our neighbors. For the Hebrews, however, the law code clearly intended for them to view each person as being shaped and guided by society in such a way that s/he could be a healthy and productive citizen. From my studies, it was very similar in ancient Greece.
So, why flog people? Why not focus primarily on creating a society where kids don’t grow up in ghettos or in similar conditions of poverty, crime, and abuse? Why not work toward better education and schools? Why not focus on providing employment to all people? I think we could take America’s incredible capacity for creative thinking and direct it toward eliminating the conditions that create crime rather than incarcerating or flogging people. This, I think, would square more with the Bible as I understand it.
****Note****
I am one of those “nutty leftists” you referred to. In our defense. We view “fairness” as being closely associated with “economic equality.” If there is massive economic equality, as it exists in the U.S. today, then this will result in power and privilege being skewed toward the rich. We believe that money is power, so we seek to empower all people, not simply privilege the wealthy.
Why do you think that God was wrong to command flogging or corporal punishment as a just punishment for some crimes? How do you justify claiming that Hebrew society is promoting some specific good in obeying God who commands flogging as punishment for some crimes and then in the same thought stream claim that God was wrong to command flogging as a swift, just punishment for some crimes? That doesn’t make any sense at all. You may as well be anti-Christ and hate the God of the bible if you are going to talk that way about the God of the bible.
If I understand what you think “economic equality” is then an example would be if you and Bill Gates were to have “economic equality” does that mean that you would take what you earn in a year and what Bill Gates earns in a year and then divide that total by 2 in order to arrive at “economic equality”? Because, if that isn’t what you have in mind, then I have no idea what you mean by “economic equality”. And if what I just described is what you mean by “economic equality” then I don’t really expect you to give a response along the lines of “Yeah, that is exactly what I am talking about” because of how completely unjust and wrong such “economic equality” obviously would be.
Quinn,
I’m not sure you are quite understanding where I am coming from on the flogging issue, and I am certain that I do not understand your point about flogging. If you care to expand your thoughts a bit, then I’ll be happy to keep discussing it.
What seems fairly obvious to me is that any form of violence is an inferior and regrettable means of correcting behavior. As the scriptures note in many places, violence begets violence, those who live by the sword (or flog!) will die by the sword. If society relies on violence to deal with social ills, then that violence will inevitably bounce back and hurt society as a whole.
On to the issue of an equal society…..
My idea of an equal society is not one of wealth redistribution. My ideal society is one in which the conditions of society are such that redistribution is not necessary. Wealth is simply distributed more-or-less equally as it is is created. Redistributing wealth centralizes power in the hands of those who are doing the redistributing. To my mind, this creates a clear conflict of interests and takes the power away from the people.
Technically speaking, there are two types of socialists. The first is authoritarian. The classic case of this would be Soviet Russia. I am anti-authoritarian. I am what is called a “libertarian socialist.” This means that equality is achieved via the freedom of people. People, however, cannot be truly free unless society is set up in a more-or-less equal manner. So, I am against centralizing power, in any form.
Most people are only familiar with socialism in its authoritarian form, as you indicated in your prior comment. Historically, though, socialism developed with many anti-authoritarian approaches. These approaches, however, were never fully implemented. Freedom is so difficult for most of us to put into practice.
Thanks for keeping up with the conversation. I was wondering if you would return.
I really like what you’ve acquired here, certainly like what you’re stating and the way in which you say it.