2011 – An Old Year’s Resolutions

2011 has resolved itself. Every year does. For me, the prior year turned upside-down so much that was rightside-up. It was a year where I could feel myself caught up in the tides and currents of life. Fishing in Alaska, I learned that you can’t change the ocean, the waves, the pull of the tide, the wind, or the rain. You simply navigate it, using your intellect and your instincts. Such was 2011. Such is every year, though we do not always see it. In 2011, I saw it.

January 3, 2011 saw the passing of my dear friend Aeyn. Five months later, Tamie and I were splitting up. I opened traveling in the southwest. A camping trip to Big Bend national park, a lonely week of solitude and mourning, before my brother joined me for a few days. I returned to Kodiak Alaska for the winter and spring. While I had plans to close out the summer in Alaska and then move, with Tamie, to Arizona, I suddenly found myself in South Dakota, probably the last place I would have expected, and yet a sparse land full of surprises and dense with opportunities to grow and rest.

Somehow, in the midst of it all, revolutions continued to break out. People demanded democracy, refusing to settle on allowing others with wealth and power to dictate the terms of their lives. There was the Arab Spring, then Occupy Wall Street. In some cases there was planning and preparation, but who could find a director in this symphonic call for equality?

“If you want to find The Way, there is nowhere you need to search.” This from the Tao Te Ching. If you want to find God, to find meaning, to find yourself, to find It, whatever “It” may be, there is nowhere you need to search. It is where you are.

“Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.” To be a seeker is to find, already. “Everyone who searches will find,” because there is nothing to find, outside of what is always and already given. Each year will resolve itself, come whatever joys and sadness, victories or failures.

The old year is resolved, yet we make resolutions for the new year. Take a step and notice that you are already in motion for the next step. You are resolute, resolved. All of your problems are solved and then re-solved. “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes) Yet each moment is unique, the challenges of our generation have never been seen before, at least, not in this way.

This is why I gave my blog this description: “exploring the sacred meaning(lessness) of (my) life.” Everything is somehow held in the tension of being both meaningful and meaningless. Things are solved, then re-solved.

One resolute step at a time. I look forward to the new year. I will start in Santa Monica, California, on the west side of Los Angeles. This much, at least, seems solved.

Published by

Jonathan Erdman

Writer. In the summers, I live and work in the incredible state of Alaska, in the bush community of McCarthy, as the Executive Director of the Wrangell Mountain Center. When not in McCarthy, you'll typically find me in the Santa Cruz Mountains of California, writing and working with local activists. My primary writing project right now is a novel set in remote bush Alaska, of the magical realism genre wherein an earnest and independent young woman finds a mysterious radio belonging to her grandmother, a device that has paranormal bandwidth and a disturbing ability to mess with one's mental stability.

Consider this post an invitation, an invitation to comment and collaborate ~ In Solidarity, JE

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